We’ve reached peak GOOP, people
Here’s more goop you don’t need.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle site Goop is now hawking a “Psychic Vampire Repellent” to rid the world of evil spirits and negative energy (insert eye roll here).
The $30, 3.4-ounce spray elixir is described as a “protective mist” that uses a combination of “gem healing and deeply aromatic therapeutic oils reported to banish bad vibes and shield you from the people who may be causing them.”
The oil is supposed to be sprayed generously overhead for people to “safeguard their auras.” The ingredients list includes rose water, sea salt, rosemary, juniper, lavender, ruby, bloodstone, moonlight, love and “sonically tuned water.” Clearly the product has not been evaluated by the FDA (there’s a disclaimer to prove it) so perhaps stick to garlic next time you attempt to ward off the nearest vampire.
The product, by Paper Crane Apothecary, joins other odd oils like “Chill Child — Kid Calming Mist,” said to tame your youngster’s rambunctious aura “to restore peace to the environment.”
Paltrow is known for selling outrageously overpriced and pretentious finds on her lifestyle site. She most recently opened her first brick-and-mortar shop in Los Angeles this month called “Goop Lab.”
Here are some of the most absurd products Goop has ever sold:
Gold Dumbbells, $125,000
These 18K Gold Dumbbells cost $125,000 per set. The black and gold workout weights will certainly weigh down your wallet before they help you lose a few pounds.
Vaginal steamer, $55
Maybe not the hottest idea. Paltrow defied doctors’ advice and went ahead and added the $55 “Devi Steamer Seat” a device that cleanses a customer’s lady parts, essentially pumping hot water vapour up, well, you know where.
“You have to do it,” she told her readers for her “Ridiculous but awesome gift guide.”
Toothpaste squeezer, $244
If you’re frugal enough to squeeze every last bit of toothpaste out of the tube, how does one justify buying a $244 device that does it for you?
Leave it to Paltrow to come up with just the right pretentious sales pitch, “Better than a chip clip,” she quipped.
Sex Dust, $38
This herbal supplement from the brand Moon Juice is described as a “lusty edible formula alchemized to ignite and excite sexy energy in and out of the bedroom.” Goop recommends adding one teaspoon of the sexy stuff to any hot or cold liquid like milk, water or tea.
Gilded Playing Cards, $2,300
This decadent deck of gold cards comes in a leather card case. You’ll need to win a pretty steep poker bet to pay back this glitzy deck that costs a fortune.
Jellyfish tank, $1,621.27
The Darwin Tank is a mini aquarium with actual jellyfish. The globe-shaped tanks are made in Belgium and specifically designed for jellyfish to inhabit and come with LED lights in red, green and blue.
Condom Dispenser, $42
This dispenser “safely” stores your personal care item in a 100% stainless steel holder. They’re already sold out on Canoe.
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