First it was the Unicorn Frappuccino, now it’s the Burger Smoothie, Charcoal Latte and Pickle Juice Soda.
That’s it – we’re cut off.
If the rainbow-colored chaos surrounding Starbucks’ viral unicorn frappuccino earlier this spring didn’t tip you off, our society has a serious drinking problem.
Every day, another hard-to-swallow trend is poured down our throats as people dump lattes into avocados or brew green tea topped with cream cheese. Here’s a handful of the most stomach-churning libations making the rounds on your social media feeds.
The knee-jerk reaction to the unicorn frap is going to the dark side with these black lattes made from activated charcoal, which some say detoxes drinkers by reducing gas. The science behind these health claims is more dubious, but the smoke-colored drink mixed with milk and sugar visually cures your candy-colored hangover. They’re a big hit in the U.K. and Asia, and it’s only a matter of time before the hit the U.S. like black ice cream did, thanks to Morgenstern’s Coconut Ash cones in NYC.
You’ve gouda be kidding. This steaming cup of hot tea (classic green, fruit-flavored or even chocolate) topped with a fluffy layer of cream cheese is a hit in East and Southeast Asia. When you sip it at just the right 40-degree angle, “[the] right amount of cheese and tea fills your taste [buds], bursting with complex flavor,” explains a Malaysian food blogger. Then you’re supposed to Instagram your cheese-’stache.
PICKLE JUICE SODA
Pickle products are a big dill lately – see the Van Holten’s Pickle-Ice pops coming to Walmart this summer. So now Grandpa Joe’s Candy Shop based in Ohio and Pennsylvania is bottling Pickle Juice Soda for $2.50 a pop, mixing the bubbly brine with cane sugar. And that’s not even the funkiest fizz out there. There’s also Butter Soda from Rocket Fizz. And the cinnamon-flavored Pepsi Fire rolled out this week for a limited eight-week run.
The joke’s on us. Australia’s Truman Cafe thought it would be funny to pour a latte into half of an avocado skin, combining two of Millennials’ current food fetishes: avocado toast, and trendy lattes. They posted a video of their “avolatte” on Instagram – but now customers are actually lining up to order the damn thing. One of the baristas put it best: “It’s literally coffee in a piece of rubbish.” Even Brooklyn’s all-avocado restaurant, the Avocaderia, isn’t touching this one. “Longevity over gimmicks for us!” a rep told Moneyish.
Melbourne is also responsible for this nightmare vegan blend, which combines a protein patty, green matcha bun, rice paper bacon, avocado, beetroot kraut and beetroot hummus into a smoothie for $20. “’Picture a warm burger blended with cold matcha flavoured milk. Semi-savoury, semi-sweet,” the Matcha Mylk Bar cofounder said of his gag-inducing blend. But at least they have some sense – they ultimately decided not to put it on the menu. Maybe there’s hope for us yet.
THE UNICORN FRAPPUCCINO
We blame this color-changing beverage beast for the monstrosities above. The creamy frap blended with mango syrup and dusted with sweet pink and sour blue powders looked like Lisa Frank threw up in a cup. But customers couldn’t get enough. Baristas had public meltdowns. And even after the unicorn frap’s limited run ended, customers demanded that Starbucks workers use up the remaining unicorn powder to whip up “dragon” and “mermaid” frappuccinos. And other unicorn drinks remain, including Brooklyn cafe the End’s unicorn latte for $9, or Fat Monk’s hot pink My Lisa Frank Notebook cocktail garnished with a unicorn head.
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