‘Unf—k Yourself’ author Gary John Bishop tells Moneyish tips on changing the way you think to live your best life
It’s time to unf—-k yourself.
Life is hard, and your mind makes it more difficult than it should be, personal development coach Gary John Bishop discusses in his new book “Unf—k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life.” In it, Bishop addresses how to turn down the noise in your head of self-doubt, follow through with resolutions, and empower your day-to-day life all in a very blunt way.
“People would rather accept their misery than deal with what they have to deal with to be fundamentally happy. If you’re in a sh—ty relationship get out. If you’re not fulfilled in your career, get out. If you don’t get paid enough, find a way to make more. Whatever it is, hold yourself to it rather than wallowing in the misery, why would you tolerate that?” Bishop tells Moneyish.
His teachings are centered around less thinking, more doing — setting a goal, and taking action rather than dwelling on feelings like ‘it’s too cold out to go to the gym’ or ‘I’m afraid to take on this project at work because I don’t know if I’m qualified.’”
In his book, Bishop notes that scientists have discovered our own thoughts can actually change the physical structure of our brain. As we experience and learn new things, our brain is constantly reconfiguring the neural pathways that dictate how we think and, therefore, behave. So, he writes, the easiest way to shape our thoughts is through conscious, decisive self-talk rather than dwelling on negativity, or more simply put, “Yes I can” as opposed to “No, I can’t.”
“Just like we build habits by repeating an action until it becomes automatic, we can use strong, assertive language over time to create lasting change in our lives. It’s more than just happy thoughts, you’re affecting your brains very biology,” Bishop writes. “You’ll find the thinking will align with what you’re doing.”
Here are the best ways to regain control of our life, when, as Bishop puts it, you’re feeling “completely f—ked.”
How to unf—k yourself when you think you’re not qualified for a job
When it comes to a job for a career you truly want, but feel like you’ll never get, or you don’t have enough experience, Bishop says imagine you already have the job. Think to yourself,‘They gave me the job.’ This puts you in a more positive mindset and will give you a confidence boost, he says.
And be honest about not — at least on paper — seeming like the perfect fit. “You’ve got to be bold, say ‘I want to be upfront, I don’t have the qualifications [on paper] for the job, but here’s why you should hire me. You’ve got to address their concerns.”
How to unf—k yourself when you don’t want to work out
If you make a promise or resolution to yourself that you’re going to do something, like work out, follow through and stop making excuses, Bishop insists.
“Practice making little promises to yourself and then keep them. A simple one is if you tell yourself you’re going running, do it today. Your success in life is almost exclusively tied to the degree that you can keep a promise to yourself. Say what it is that you’re going to do and handle yourself in fulfilling it.
Bishop suggests making small promises to ourselves instead of big ones because they’re much more achievable.
How to unf—k yourself when you’re nervous about what you’ll contribute in a meeting
Stop panicking, and whatever you do, don’t make up information to make yourself look knowledgeable.
“If you’re nervous before going into a meeting, you’re not connected to the reality of the meeting. You’ll notice before every meeting, there’s a default way of thinking like: ‘they’re the experts,’ ‘I don’t know what I’m talking about’ or ‘I need to go in and prove myself.’ This is hazardous thinking. The alternative is to think of yourself as a bearer of great news to the people who are hungry for information. The meeting will have a whole different appeal.”
But make sure you don’t come across as insincere.
“When someone is pretending you can tell. Say ‘here’s what I don’t know, and here’s what I’m bringing to the table.’ If you literally just walk in and wing it then I would stay away from that because you’ll build more damage than good. Say you’ll get back to them in 48 hours rather than fudging it and making it worse.”
How to unf—k yourself during an anxiety attack
It’s okay to feel feelings that are uncomfortable during stressful times. Recognize they are fleeting, and sit with them, Bishop says. Stay focused on the present moment.
“Anxiety is only a fundamental concern for human beings that where they’re going is not going to work out, which has nothing to do with where you are now,” he says.
“We get so fascinated about the future, we’re addicted to certainty. If you want to be successful embrace your uncertainty because the reality is life is uncertain. Sometimes in life you need to take a real cold hard look at it. You have the life that you’re willing to put up with, which includes your own suffering if you tolerate it. Dont. It’s like trying to cure a mosquito bite — you just let it be. You’ve got to let that occasional negative internal state be, you can still function and get things done.”
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