A Starbucks barista describes the nightmare that is making the Unicorn Frappuccino
For the beleaguered Starbucks employee mixing your unicorn frappuccinos, the magic is long gone.
Last week, a 19-year-old Colorado barista went viral in a video ranting about the limited-edition Lisa Frank-colored drink that coffee drinkers couldn’t get enough of. “If you love us as baristas, don’t order it,” Starbucks worker Braden Burson cried.
A Starbucks rep told Moneyish that the coffee chain has been “blown away by the reaction of our customers to the debut of the Unicorn Frappuccino,” but it’s sympathetic to the baristas, whom they call partners.
“We always listen to their feedback to determine what we can improve upon,” said a spokesperson. “Our goal is to ensure that both our customers and partners always have a positive experience at Starbucks.”
That’s small comfort to the baristas churning out the candy-colored fraps, however. Here’s what one New York partner told Moneyish about the horror that is making the Unicorn Frappuccino:
Unicorns are extremely irritating to make. They are almost as annoying as the entitled brats who order them.
It’s not that’s it’s hard to put the goo in the cup – it’s just a giant multicolored mess. You have to put scoops of this mysterious pink and blue powder in – and it makes clouds of candy-colored puffs in the air. By the end of the day, I look like I raided a Troll village, just covered head-to-toe in the dust. Then you have to do the drizzle around the outside of the cup, and the whipped cream, and then dump more powder on top of that.
And every time you make one, you have to stop and clean the workstation before you can make another. So it’s this purple goopy mess that you are cleaning over and over and over again until you lose the will to go on.
I knew exactly how ridiculous this unicorn frappuccino was going to be. I had the nightmare picture in my mind. Because every time we get a new one of these trendy drinks, everybody has to immediately take a selfie with it, post it on Instagram or Snapchat it. Forget unicorns, people are sheep.
Mostly they pretend to like it: “Oh, it’s interesting,” or, “Oh, the flavors change.” But let’s be clear: nobody looks like they’re actually enjoying the thing. In fact, I haven’t had a single repeat customer.
So far, I’ve refused to taste it. I don’t know what the magical unicorn fairy powder is made of, but I know it does not belong in a human body. Starbucks uses a lot of artificially-flavored stuff, but this is just beyond.
If you still haven’t tried one, you honestly don’t need to. It’s all sugar, and some milk and some ice. I had a guy ask me if I could make a sugar-free one, and I just laughed in his face.
I am so happy this is finally over. I was hoping we would just run out of the ingredients; I honestly contemplated just throwing a box of the pink and the blue powder on the first day, just to get rid of it faster. I didn’t, but I really thought hard about it.
There’s no questions about it, these things suck. Into each one of these, I pour my hatred and my malice. With magical sprinkles on top, of course.
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