How gross can pizza with a fried chicken crust be?

Absolutely disgusting, thanks for asking.

I tasted the monstrosity on a recent trip back home to Singapore, where Kentucky Fried Chicken had just launched the Chizza. Instead of a flatbread crust, KFC uses a flattened and fried chicken fillet. It’s then slathered in tomato sauce and oozing mozzarella cheese, topped with hunks of pineapple and piles of ham.

While comedians like Seth Meyers relentlessly mocked this portmanteau of chicken and pizza — one outlet even called it “unholy” — I wasn’t quite so skeptical. After all, KFC has a special place in my heart and stomach: The branch in the shopping mall across from my middle school was where I could people watch incognito while scarfing mashed potatoes and other artery cloggers without my parents moaning about my diet.  For my teenage self , fast food was freedom. (Don’t judge, I was 14.)  Plus, the Chizza sounds like a glorified chicken parm and KFC parent company Yum! Brands also operates Pizza Hut, so it couldn’t be that bad, right?

Wrong.

The Chizza looks like old Hawaiian pizza that’s been sitting out in the sun –  and it doesn’t taste much better. Swoop in to sniff the heart shaped slices—I  got in super close because the pie emits no odor until your face is practically inside the  slimy cheese —and all I smelled was canned fruit.

Hungry yet? (Kristiano Ang for Moneyish)

Putting it in my mouth didn’t make it better. The pineapple had the consistency of chewed gum; the ham just cubes of tastelessness. And while KFC says it got rid of the original crust because it noticed diners would eat around and then toss it, I doubt anyone is going to eat the soggy and droopy chicken fillet it’s been replaced with.  KFC seems to have forgotten what people love about its Colonel Sanders’ fried chicken recipe: the crispness.

Chizza Step Dance

Do the Chizza Step Dance with us! Simply follow the steps as shown in the video and re-create your own! To qualify for the contest, share it with us by posting the video on your Facebook timeline, tag @KFC.SG and hashtag #ChizzaStep! Don't forget to set your post to public! Top 3 creative videos will win the following prizes: Grand prize: $100 Cash + $20 KFC vouchersSecond prize: $50 Cash + $20 KFC vouchersThird prize: $20 Cash+ $20 KFC vouchersContest ends on 10 March 2017T&Cs apply: http://bit.ly/2dBxgZo

Posted by KFC on Thursday, February 23, 2017

The whole time I was forcing this thing down my throat – let’s call it research, Ok? –  all I could think about was how long it would take me to work it off.  (KFC says it didn’t test for calorie count, but I’m hitting an extra Soul Cycle because, well, I know what I did.)  

My only consolation: This thing hasn’t found its way to my new home, New York, just yet.